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HyReviews.com

The Most Complete & Accurate Info on NYC's Best Live Comedy Shows
Stand-Up, Improv, Sketch, Storytelling, Variety, and More, Fully Updated Daily—
Plus Comedy Discounts, Theatre Discounts, Top Jokes, and Top Videos

 

From legendary NYC comedy site Brooklyn Vegan: Thank God for Hy Bender's religiously updated show bible Best New York Comedy (or HyReviews.com). He is literally the only person in NYC providing daily summaries of what's happening comedy-wise. It must be exhausting keeping that monster of a website alive.It is your daily comedy itinerary and it scares me how on top of his shit this guy is.

 

Hy Bender

 

Last updated on Friday May 27th 2016

 

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NYC Comedy Picks for Friday 5/27/16

Arguments & Grievances

Comics debate each other about silly topics, with tonight's combatants including Jo Firestone vs. Ben Kronberg, Aparna Nancherla vs. Saurin Choksi, and Nick Vatterott vs. Nick Turner: Arguments & Grievances (10:00 pm, $10, Brooklyn's Union Hall at 702 Union Street; take R subway to Union Street)

More recommendations for the best in New York City comedy tonight
(in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:

[TOP PICK] [$] 7:00 pm, 7:30 pm, 8:45 pm, 9:30 pm, 10:30 pm, 11:30 pm, and 12:15 am ($20-$24 per show, plus 2-item food/drink min.): Some of the finest stand-ups in the country spread among four shows at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane) and the 7:30, 9:30, and 11:30 shows at Village Underground (130 West 3rd Street, off Sixth Avenue): Comedy Cellar Friday

7:00 pm ($5): Stand-ups who are single each perform a set and then participate in a dating game show, choosing among three mystery contestants based on their dating profiles at The PIT upstairs theatre (123 East 24th Street): Tinderella

7:00 pm ($7): "Improvisers create scenes inspired by essays written about personal experiences and show that sometimes laughter really is the best medicine" at The Magnet theatre: You Are Not Alone: An Uplifting Show About Depression

7:00 pm ($5): Three improv teams compete in this cutthroat battle for laughs. What's different about this cage match is it's determined by a human judge, the audience...and a dog. If there's a tie between the votes of the judge and audience, the guest canine will decide the fates of everyone based on which bowl this dog goes to first. It all happens at Brooklyn's The Annoyance Theatre (367 Bedford Avenue; take J/M/Z to Marcy Avenue or L to Lorimer Street): Dog Fight

[TOP PICK] 7:30 pm ($10): At UCB Chelsea, a sketch show about the NYC subway: The BEENG BOONG: The Great & Powerful MTA...

...and in the second half of this double-bill, sketch show Eggs for Sale

7:30 pm ($10): Improv group Bucky makes up one long scene in the same location (a winning form that's helped such teams as Death by Roo Roo win a whole lot of Cage Match victories)—and, when SNL is on break, sometimes includes star Sasheer Zamata (whenever that happens, consider this a TOP PICK)—at the UCB East theatre: Bucky: Thank F#@% It's Friday!

7:30 pm ($5): All-gal improvisors Ashley Ward, Brigid Boyle, Alexis Saarela, and Elizabeth Findlay, plus a guest improv group; plus an 8-gal group of improvisors, all making up scenes at The PIT downstairs lounge: Taco Supreme and Flying V

[$] 7:30 pm ($38.25 & 2-drink min.): A cast member of the much-missed Chappelle's Show headlining tonight through Sunday at the Carolines Comedy Club: Donnell Rawlings

[FREE] 7:30 pm: Comics performing in Astoria Queens' QED: A Place to Show & Tell (27-16 23rd Avenue) hosted by Meggie Spellman & Anne Victoria Clark: Black Magic Lab Variety

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($12): Mike Lawrence (nerd persona but razor-sharp mind has made this stand-up a rapidly rising star; staff writer for Emmy-winning Inside Amy Schumer; frequently invited lightning wit on @midnight; star of upcoming Comedy Central Snapchat series You're Wrong with Mike Lawrence; Conan O'Brien, Seth Meyers, Comedy Central Half Hour, John Oliver's NY Stand-Up, comedy album Sadamantium), Nick Vatterott (Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central's The Half Hour, MTV, Second City), Ben Kronberg (Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Comedy Central Half Hour, MTV, ABC), and Alison Leiby (host of It's a Long Story) telling personal stories that might be interrupted at any moment by hosts Kenny Kinds, Jeremy Hellwig, and Kris Wernowsky at Brooklyn's Union Hall (702 Union Street; take R subway to Union Street): Sorry, Please Continue...

[TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm & 10:00 pm ($20; no min.): Stand-ups Wyatt Cenac, Ben Bailey, Jessica Kirson, Pete Lee, Christian Finnegan, Adrienne Iapalucci, and more performing at The Stand Comedy Club (239 Third Avenue, off 20th Street): The Stand Friday

8:00 pm ($10): A comedic play that proclaims "Love is patient, love is blind. Love is deaf and dumb. Love is a burden dressed in a top hat and spats, tearing the pulse from the blood. Love is closing your eyes to come, baby, split yourself in nine. Love is a jerk-off partner and a sad meal. Love ainít never gonna..." plus a one-woman show by Amanda Xeller, at Brooklyn's The Annoyance Theatre (367 Bedford Avenue; take J/M/Z to Marcy Avenue or L to Lorimer Street): Love Ainít Never Gonna and Pegasus

8:00 pm ($5): NYC comics perform at this variety show featuring stand-up, sketch, improv, and/or music at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' LIC (10-93 Jackson Avenue) hosted by Tom Brink & Keele Howard-Stone: Wolf Spirit with Tom and Keele

[FREE] 8:00 pm: NYC stand-ups Myka Fox, Jim Tews, and more performing at the HiFi Bar (169 Avenue A) hosted by Gary Levitt & Matt Schwartzer: I Don't Get It Stand-Up

8:00 pm ($10): Stand-ups (not announced perform at The PIT upstairs theatre (123 East 24th Street) hosted by twins Adam & Todd Stone: The Stone and Stone Show

[TOP PICK] 8:30 pm ($10): Before this Magnet show, audience members may anonymously submit written confessions, secrets, rants, advice and opinions which will be used onstage by the improvisors—who include such talents as Sebastian Conelli (2014 Cage Match Champion The Enemy): The Friday Night Sh*w

[TOP PICK] [$] 9:00 pm ($15): Some of the finest improv in the country from brilliant comics Connor Ratliff, Jordan Klepper, Silvija Ozols, Shannon O'Neill, Alexandra Dickson, and/or Michael Delaney forming a seamless and hilarious group mind at UCB Chelsea—the all-star members of The Stepfathers

[TOP PICK] 9:00 pm ($10): Cipha Sounds (Hot 97, Chappelle's Show) thought it would be cool if a hip-hop star told tales and then improvisors made up scenes based on them. This monthly show is the result, with a music celebrity "mesmerizing the crowd with amazing stories and linguistic darts to spark the creativity of some of the best improvisers in NYC," the latter being Anthony Atamanuik, Natasha Rothwell, Brandon Gardner, Lydia Hensler, Christian Capozzoli, and/or Shaun Diston at the UCB East theatre: Take It Personal: The Hip-Hip Improv Show

[TOP PICK] [FREE—plus FREE PIZZA—if you arrive before 9:00 pm, $5 after] 9:00 pm: Erik Bergstrom (cartoonist/author of Grimmer Tales, The New Yorker, blogger for Comedy Central), Jacqueline Novak (smart, funny stand-up; Inside Amy Schumer, College Humor, author of How to Weep in Public), Nick Turner (Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers, Comedy Central, VH1), Marisa Douenias (Louie), and Katie Hannigan performing stand-up at Brooklyn's Secret Loft (255 McKibbin Street) hosted by Lucas Connolly and followed by a free dance party: The Secret Loft Show

9:00 pm ($10): Two PIT downstairs lounge improv groups making up a musical on the spot. Dagger includes Abby Holland (VH1's Best Night Ever, musical improv groups Aquarius and Veal), and Hello includes Lorraine Cink (especially lovely singing voice; host & writer of Marvel Comics' The Watcher): Dagger and Hello

9:00 pm ($7): Sketch comedy at The PIT Loft (154 West 29th Street): Boogie Manja

[TOP PICK] 9:30 pm ($8): Musician Camille Harris Camille Harris (irresistible rising star singer/sketch comic/cutie; The Camille Harris Show; SXSW; music album Silly Jazz), puppeteer AJ Cote (Puppet Shakespeare), gamemaker Bryan Wilson (Spank the Yeti), magician Andy Still, and author Olive B Persimmon (Unintentionally Celibate) performing at Astoria Queens' QED: A Place to Show & Tell (27-16 23rd Avenue) hosted by Mike Gregorek—who might invite you on stage: Man Interviews Audience

9:30 pm ($10): A comedic play about the Hollywood experience for minorities, in which "four black actors in Room 4 have just realized theyíre stuck in a time loop, auditioning for the same role of 'Drug Dealer #2' over and over. What once felt like a messed-up metaphor has become a literal existential nightmare. Get them out of there" at The PIT upstairs theatre written by Marina & Nicco and with an eight-man cast: Room 4

9:30 pm ($5): "Sarah is a Brooklyn based actor, writer, and producer who has spent the majority of her life in awe of drag queens. She has taken that love and created Zsa Zsa GaBOING, a washed up hollywood star looking for a comeback. With the help of her fabulous nephews, Raggedy Dan (Hank Burkhalter) and Randy (Andy Boyle), and three new guests each month, Zsa Zsa GaBOING ignites the stage with glitter, glamour, and all things gay" at Brooklyn's The Annoyance Theatre (367 Bedford Avenue; take J/M/Z to Marcy Avenue or L to Lorimer Street): You Do You: A Gay Revue

[TOP PICK] 10:00 pm ($10): Musical improv group Premiere—which features the best improv piano player in the biz, Frank Spitznagel—springboards off an audience suggestion to create a complete story with song and dance at The Magnet theatre: Premiere: The Improvised Musical

10:00 pm ($5): NYC stand-ups performing at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' LIC (10-93 Jackson Avenue) hosted by Peggy O'Leary: Creek Cave Live

10:30 pm ($10): Eight stand-ups compete for laughs by telling jokes on topics handed to them just this morning at The PIT downstairs lounge refereed by Jenn Welch & Will Neville: The Stand-Up Showdown

[TOP PICK] 10:30 pm ($10): Naomi Ekperigin (dynamite rising star stand-up; writer for Comedy Central's Broad City and Hulu's Difficult People; MTV, VH1, FX), JC Coccoli (happily, has moved back to NYC; Last Comic Standing, Key & Peele, MTV, VH1, WB), Megan Gailey (Conan O'Brien), and Nat Towsen (VICE, College Humor, host of Downtown Variety) performing stand-up at UCB East hosted by Brandon Scott Jones, Justin Tyler, and/or Alden Ford: Gentrify

[TOP PICK] 10:30 pm ($10): Superb improvisors James Dwyer, Craig Rowin, Connor O'Malley, Matt Fisher, Sue Galloway, Brian Faas, Matt Moses, and Shaun Diston make up scenes about an audience member's legal dispute at the UCB Chelsea theatre: The Law Firm: Law & Disorder

10:30 pm ($5): Stand-up from Joe Pera (hilarious and genius deadpan stand-up; Comedy Central, Adult Swim; for a very special one-minute set at Carolines, please click here; for Joe's latest Kaufman awards submissions, please click here and here; co-host of the Dan + Joe + Charles Show) and Megan Gailey (Comedy Central's Adam Devine's House Party), characters from Brett Davis (host of The Tuesday Special, co-host of The Macaulay Culkin Show), sketch from Nick Naney, Joe Rumrill, and Ryan Bennett, and improv at Brooklyn's The Annoyance Theatre (367 Bedford Avenue; take J/M/Z to Marcy Avenue or L to Lorimer Street) hosted by Carmen Christopher: The Juice

10:30 pm ($5): A one-woman show by sketch comic & storyteller Meghan O'Malley (Awkward Sex...and the City) at The PIT Loft (154 West 29th Street) directed by Chris Aurilio: The Meghan O'Malley

11:00 pm ($5): An improvised intervention that celebrates the 30th birthday of Sal Joseph, who created this show, at The PIT upstairs theatre (123 East 24th Street): Sal Joseph's Birthday Impro-vention

[TOP PICK] Midnight ($5): Comics Josh Sharp, Aaron Jackson, Bowen Yang, and Joel Kim conduct a symposium on Beyonce's Lemonade at UCB East: Cool Shit / Weird Shit

[TOP PICK] Midnight ($5): An improvised audience interactive show (in the style of Sleep No More) based around "the last party of Senior year" at UCB Chelsea spearheaded by the brilliant James Dwyer: Now That's What I Call A Party Volume 2

[FREE—plus FREE BEER] Midnight: "Sage Augustine is gifted with a heightened sense of spiritual curiosity resulting in many amazing intuitive experiences. Jack Marble is Sage's apostle, confidant, business partner, and best friend. Together they are embarking on a journey to harness the power of laughter and open the world's eyes to spirits, angels, demons, prophecies, wishes, magic, and the afterlife" by hosting NYC stand-ups performing at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' LIC (10-93 Jackson Avenue): Remember Your Spirit

Friday Open Mics & Jams

[FREE] 5:00 pm: Walk-in open mic (signup at 4:30 pm), with 5 minutes per comic, storyteller, poet, or singer, at Astoria Queens' QED: A Place to Show & Tell (27-16 23rd Avenue) hosted by Sydney Beveridge & Davey Melch: Queens Open Mic Fridays

5:00 pm ($5): Two-hour open-mic for 20 stand-ups performing for 5 minutes each, with sign-up online here, at the Stand Up NY Comedy Club (236 West 78th Street): Stand Up NY Open Mic

5:45 pm (no cover, 1 drink min. for both comics and audience members): Open mic stand-up providing 5-7 minutes per comic, running 1 hour. Arrive 30 minutes before the show to get on the signup sheet. This is a fine opportunity to perform at the only comedy club in the East Village: Eastville Comedy Club Open Mic

[FREE] 6:00 pm: An open-mic show on a lottery system (sign-ups happen at 5:45-6:00 pm) at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City hosted by Shalewa Sharpe & Courtney Fearrington: Thug Passion

[ALMOST FREE] 6:00 pm ($1): Walk-in open mic that allows everyone to get on stage at The PIT Loft (154 West 29th Street): $1 Mic

[ALMOST FREE] 6:30 pm ($1): PIT improv veterans mix with improv novices on-stage at the downstairs lounge for Happy Hour

7:00 pm ($5): Show up at 6:45 pm to place your name in a dog bowl for the chance to get called up on stage and jam with veteran improvisors at Brooklyn's The Annoyance Theatre (367 Bedford Avenue; take J/M/Z to Marcy Avenue or L to Lorimer Street): Dog Fight

[FREE] 8:00 pm: An open-mic show that's first come, first serve (sign-up starts at 7:30 pm), with each comic getting 5 minutes on stage at The Creek downstairs lounge in Queens' LIC (10-93 Jackson Avenue) hosted by Seena Jon: Mic and Cheese

[FREE] 11:00 pm: Walk-in stand-up open mic (signup at 10:30 pm) at Astoria Queens' QED: A Place to Show & Tell (27-16 23rd Avenue) hosted by Chelsea Condren, Kate Moran, and Kristin Seltman: Late Night Snack Open Mic

 

For many more shows, please click the following links to top NYC comedy venues:

 

Best Inexpensive Stand-Up, Improv, Sketch, and Storytelling

Upright Citizens Brigade Chelsea
(307 West 26th Street; 150-seater; one of the most respected comedy theatres in the world; especially strong on improv, sketch, solo shows, and one-act comedic plays; shows free-$10)

Upright Citizens Brigade East
(153 East 3rd Street; 99-seater; a top comedy venue that focuses more than sister theatre UCB Chelsea on stand-up and screenings, and on experimental shows taking big risks; shows free-$10)

The PIT Striker (Upstairs) Theatre
(123 East 24th Street; 99-seater; a top venue that's a powerful rival of UCB, and often surpasses UCB when blending comedy with music and/or theatricality; shows free-$20)

The PIT Underground (Downstairs) Theatre
(123 East 24th Street; 40-seater; often more quirky & experimental than upstairs Striker; shows free-$10)

The PIT Loft
(154 West 29th Street; 50-seater; not at the level of its two sister PIT theatres, but evolving; shows free-$10)

The Magnet
(254 West 29th Street; 60-seat theatre; strong on improv, musical improv, sketch, and energy; shows $5-$10)

The Annoyance Theatre
(367 Bedford Ave. in Brooklyn; J/M/Z to Marcy or L to Lorimer; 50-seat theatre; spinning off from Chicago's Annoyance Theatre, brings a fiercely fresh, experimental approach to improv and sketch; shows free-$10)

The Creek and the Cave
(Queens' Long Island City; 40-seat theatre upstairs, 25 downstairs; virtually all shows free)

Union Hall
(702 Union Street in Brooklyn; R to Union Street; 50-seat theatre; shows $5-$20)

Littlefield
(622 Degraw Street in Brooklyn; R to Union Street; 100-seat theatre; shows $5-$20)

Bell House
(149 7th Street in Brooklyn; R to 9th Street or F/G to Fourth Ave.; 200-seat theatre; shows $10-$25)

QED: A Place to Show & Tell
(27-16 23rd Avenue in Astoria Queens; N/Q to Ditmars Boulevard; 40-seat theatre; shows free-$10)

Best NYC Stand-Up Comedy Clubs

Comedy Cellar
(117 MacDougal Street; among the finest daily stand-up lineups in the world; 2-item min.)

Village Underground
(130 West 3rd Street; Comedy Cellar's larger sister venue, just around the corner with the same top comics; 2-item min.)

The Stand
(239 Third Avenue; recent competitor to Comedy Cellar; no drink min.—support this policy!)

Carolines Comedy Club
(1626 Broadway; focuses on the world's top headliners, who perform hour-long sets; 2-drink min.)

Gotham Comedy Club
(208 West 23rd Street; headliners on weekends, specialty & lineup shows weekdays; 2-drink min.)

Eastville Comedy Club
(85 East 4th Street; strong weekend lineups; no cover using code HyReviews; 2-drink min.)

Greenwich Village Comedy Club
(99 MacDougal Street; convenient if Comedy Cellar's sold out; no cover using code HyReviews; 2-drink min.)

Comic Strip Live
(1568 Second Avenue, off 81st; Upper East Side club with typically solid lineups; 2-drink min.)

Stand Up NY
(236 West 78th Street, off Broadway; Upper West Side club with typically solid lineups; 2-drink min.)

The Standing Room
(4738 Vernon Blvd., by #7 train; Queens LIC club; no drink min.—support this policy!)

 

To view HyReviews.com NYC Comedy Picks from previous weeks, please click here.

 

Heavily Marked Down via Goldstar:

The Stand

 

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Special Freebies & Discounts for HyReviews.com Insiders

Almost all the recommendations and discounts HyReviews.com provides appear directly
on this site. However, occasionally I may feel an offer is so special that it merits extra attention.
Also, sometimes comedy clubs, theatres, and others contact me with offers that they
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Special thanks to comedy photographers supreme Anya Garrett and Mindy Tucker for creating so many of the stellar photos that grace this site...and the sites of hundreds of NYC comics.

 

 

HyReviews.com Highlights

Please check out these New York City theatre sections of HyReviews.com:

Hy on Theatre Discounts: See Great Shows for as Little as $4

FringeNYC 2015 Coverage

Please also check out these New York City comedy sections of HyReviews.com:

Comedy Club Discounts

Previous HyReviews.com Videos of the Month

Previous Comedy Picks

Top NYC Comedy Venues

Other Notable Comedy Sites

For a comprehensive list of links to all the sections
on this site, please see the Site Index below (or click here).

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HyReviews.com Site Index

Best NYC Comedy Tonight

Previous Daily Comedy Picks

Comedy Videos of the Month: The Classics

Previous Comedy Videos of the Month

HyReviews.com Joke of the Week

NYC Comedy Club Discounts

Become a Comedy/Theatre Discount Insider

Top NYC Comedy Venues

Other Notable Comedy Sites

Comedy in the Moment: Del Close Improv Marathon

Comedy Scene by Scene: SketchFest NYC 07

Exceptional Comics

Interview with Carolyn Castiglia

Show Report 3/28/08: Kumail Nanjiani's Unpronounceable

Show Report 2/28/08: Invite Them Up Ends Glorious Six-Year Run

Show Report 2/10/08: Alternative, Alshmernative—Kristen Schaal

Show Report 11/12/07: Andy Blitz Sees the Future

Show Report 9/24/07: Dave Hill Turns Things Around

Shockingly Delightful: Offensive Fest 2007

Hy on TV

Hy on Human Giant

Hy On Theatre

Hy on Theatre Discounts: See Great Shows for as Little as $4

FringeNYC 2015 Coverage

FringeNYC 2014 Coverage

FringeNYC 2013 Coverage

FringeNYC 2012 Coverage

FringeNYC 2011 Coverage

FringeNYC 2010 Coverage

FringeNYC 2009 Coverage

FringeNYC 2008 Coverage

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Comedy Club Discounts

If you'd enjoy an elegant evening at an NYC comedy club

but also want to save some money, please click here.

You can get free tickets for all shows at the Eastville Comedy Club,

free tickets to most shows at the Broadway Comedy Club, and

free & 50% discount ticket offers for Dangerfield's Comedy Club.

 

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Top NYC Comedy Venues

The following are the primary theatres hosting notable NYC comedy shows:

Upright Citizens Brigade Chelsea

Upright Citizens Brigade East

The Peoples Improv Theater

The Magnet

The Annoyance Theatre (Brooklyn)

The Creek and the Cave (Queens LIC)

Littlefield (Brooklyn)

Union Hall (Brooklyn)

 

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Notable Comedy Sites

I'm trying to keep this section super-concise,

but If a top site isn't listed that you think oughta be,

please drop me a note and I'll take a close look.

 

Comedy Coverage

(in alphabetical order):

The Apiary

BestNewYorkComedy.com

Brooklyn Vegan

Comedy Central Insider

The Comic's Comic

Dead Frog

HyReviews.com

Jester

 

Comedy Providers

(in alphabetical order):

Atom.com

Comedy Central Video Clips

Funny or Die

Jokes.com

The Onion

Super Deluxe

23/6

UCB Comedy

YouTube Comedy Videos

 

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Hy's Current Favorite Craigslist Ads

 

Please note: Note a word has been changed in the ads below. My comments are in boldface.

 

Poet/Artist/God's Wife Looking for a Literary Agent or Publisher

Date: 2010-02-04, 10:19 am EST

Reply to: kristiedono@yahoo.com

 

I have a wonderful poetry book, creative, wild images and a really good magical story to tell.

 

[You have a poetry book—um, with images and a story?]

 

I am looking to sell my poetry book with images and then my story to someone.

 

[So you have a poetry book with images...and you also have a story in an undefined form. And for some reason you need to sell the poetry before you sell the story...to "someone." That's a bit confusing, but whatever; it's not like you're claiming to be a wordsmith...]

 

I am God's wife, and the story is about our life together.

 

[Ah.]

 

It's got spirituality, love, tragedy, adventure, crime, violence, music, sex, a little bit of everything.

 

[Actually, you left out drugs.
But that's okay; at this point, drugs are heavily implied...]

 

I have a diary of our letters to each other, and the poems are like letters I wrote to God in a creative way.

 

[As opposed to the non-creative steamy porn that you actually wrote to your stud boyfriend God.]

 

This will be a big hit, it is a beautiful story, you won't be disappointed.

 

[The odds are good. God's last book was a huge bestseller.]

 

God is a black man on Earth and a musician. I have proof.

 

[It's a hip-hopera DVD titled Trapped in the Closet.
Thing is, God turned insane in 2000. (Which explains a lot...)]

 

This is a great story. I am also a great writer and poet and artist.

 

[And 100% real. You can check out Kristie's website at http://www.harttherapy.blogspot.com.]

 

 

Need Urban Ghost Writers (Metro Atlanta)

Date: 2009-11-13, 6:33PM EST

Reply to: writelikeyoufeel@yahoo.com

 

Looking for creative ghost writers with excellent grammar skills and ideas.

 

[Because that's what makes a writer great: killer grammar, and concepts.]

 

Male and females are encouraged to apply.

 

[Translation: Sorry, I don't work with hermaphrodites.]

 

Serious inquiries only...Please do not respond if you are not serious!

 

[Translation: I'm sooo tired of people making fun of me...]

 

 

Writer Wanted for Book to be Published (Hartland, WI)

Date: 2009-09-29, 1:52AM CDT

Reply to: job-tvm4r-1397614923@craigslist.org

 

I am writing a book and need someone who can

help me with writing my story.

 

I am seeking someone who is spiritual in nature

and believes that by reading this

you are the person designed to write it.

 

Give me a call at 262-xxx-xxxx and introduce yourself.

 

[Hello. I have been designed to write your book.

Thank you for fulfilling my destiny.

The days, months, and years of constantly reading

Craigslist ads in search of purpose have finally

been rewarded. I am eager to start work on

our spiritual instant classic I Was Born

to Ghostwrite Someone Else's Book.]

 

 

Writers for Wheelchair Book (San Diego—Mission Valley)

Date: 2009-09-28, 10:41AM PDT

Reply to: bouncesdtalent@gmail.com

 

Easy Life Inc. is looking to write a book about purchasing a new wheelchair.

We are looking for 2-3 writers to provide 200 pages of content each.

 

[In other words, we want a 600-page book...about buying a wheelchair.]

 

We want fresh ideas that relate to buying a wheelchair.

 

[Idea #42: Raise cash as drug mule.
Cops will never suspect crippled old coot like you.]

 

Please send a sample or two of your writings, your rates,

and 2-3 BRIEF topics that you would contribute to this book.

 

Writings will be submitted weekly for originality

and to assure you are going in the right direction.

 

[If you're going in the wrong direction, we'll grab

hold of your wheelchair and point you the right way.]

 

We want you to exhaust any and all ideas

that go into purchasing a motorized wheelchair.

 

[At which point the Seventh Seal will be broken,

commencing the Apocalypse.]

 

Once you have exhausted that

go into manual wheelchairs,

then walkers, crutches, etc.

 

[And after you've exhausted all hope of support,

we want to you to crawl on your belly before us.

Crawl like the worm you are.]

 

Previous SEO experience a plus. Local to San Diego preferred.

 

In the subject line: WHEELCHAIR

 

[Or just: END OF THE WORLD.

Either way.]

 

Take a look at our website at http://www.powerchairatnocost.com.

 

Compensation: $750 to $1,500 DOE

 

[Again, this ad is 100% real. If you have

fresh ideas about buying a wheelchair...]

 

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History will be kind to me,
for I intend to write it.
—Winston Churchill
 

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